madness not updated this in ages. too much to talk about so i'll just ramble about the main events.
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  • Current Music
    goldfrapp black cherry album

hayfever is crap.

i woke up today and touched my nose and there was blood all over it. was dripping all the way from my bedroom to the bathroom and had to use one of my music revision notes to guard the floor. my hayfever is gettin really bad now, it happened last time. the glands in my nose swell due to the pollen and just burst and bleed. i dunno what to try now...all the medication i use work but work little. the ones that do work make me sleepy and the ones that don't make me sleepy just don't work. it wasn't too bad at work tonight, my eyes watered a little but that was due to my contacts.

had sex with danny again last night, and once again came back worrying about my weight....as i always do when i shag danny. he's got such an amazing body its so unfair. i feel so repulsive compared. he eats eats and eats and doesn't put anything on. times like this i wish being sick after you eat wasn't a disorder. what a selfish thought - i worry myself sometimes. urgh, why wasn't i born with a fast metabolism? i suck.

on a lighter note....my last exam is on monday! finally from april right through to the end of june i've done 10 music, music technology and art examinations. phew. i'm not even expecting much from them - its A Level. i just don't think college worked well with me and i'm not letting another E grade get me down and think i'm shit at music. I'm not shit - i work hard. at the end of the day....how can a 2 hour long exam show my 2 years work of hard work and effort? i'm doing my best, but like i say, whatever i get i know how hard i've worked.

got the big gay out tickets!!! hurrah. exactly 28 days til the festival. bring it on.


(no subject)

so who went down in to the cellar at work today with paul and stood in the walk-in refrigerator?

how fucking hot was it today? jesus fucking christ. to make it worse my hayfever was the worst its ever been, i had to go home at 4pm. i was so, so ill. even managers heather and faye asked if i was high cos my eyes were bloodshot and half closed. *sneeze* *sneeze* *sneeze*.

me and paul were put on stock duty so we went into the cellar (which was also hot) and just stayed in the fridge which felt like the most refreshing thing all day (minus my shower as soon as i got back) arghhh stupid weather. so humid.

had my exam for grade 5 theory today, which i thinkkkk went okay. should of passed. a merit would be nice. distinction orgasmic. i have to wait a whole 6 weeks to find out though, lazy ABRSM. i payed £23 to take the exam so you mark it now, bitch.

yah! me and tabsy are going to big gay out, when i come down to stay in london. is it okay if i stay at urs then tabs? what will you tell your mum?.....say i'm some loon off the net, who caries an axe. and has a thing for teenage girls. yeh, that should break the ice alright.

g2g now, got work at 11am. til 7pm. c yo.

  • Current Music
    air - cherry blossom girl

(no subject)

i now wear brown contacts. SEX.

i need to:
loose sum weight. wear mascara. wear eye liner. wear grey shadow on eyes. wear my ripped jeans (with ripped ass) with my new tops. go to london. go gay clubbing with claire. have a good 2005.

whaddya say?

(no subject)

wrote stuff. it disapeared. can't be arsed typing it all out again.

sorry havent updated in about a month! been colleging, working etc. will update more from now on.

hayfever = horrible. gets worse every year. today at work the manager had to move all flowers away from the bar and it still did nothing. sneezed 20+ times. urgh. hate it...in so much pain still.

deicded that i'm going to apply for 6 music conservatoires through www.cukas.ac.uk 
Royal Northern College of Music
Royal College of Music
UCE Birmingham Conservatoire
Leeds College of Music
Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama
Royal Welsh Academy of Music and Drama


if ya still want me to come to london for a bit i have an idea.....i saw this and thought...well..we're both gay, like some of the acts and know we would get pissed and have kool time


i wanna go!!!!


  • Current Music
    destinys child -girl (in my head)

mental mental chicken ori-fucking-ental

i am well and truly, fooked.

this week i've had to work, 3 shifts in a row, locking and closing up too. just finished a 12 hour shift, AGAIN. along with having a singing lesson, a whole weeks worth of exams and coursework deadlines and a damn 5 hour art exam. i haven't stopped...and i now protest against the ppl that call me lazy. i have worked, worked and WORKED.

jesus tonight was busy. me and marie started at 2, which was cool. i love rie. was on with henry, burnsy, paul (top guy, goes to royal northern ballet skool right next to the royal northern college of music) and pete (who gave me a lift home, all 15 metres).  had a stressful, fucking annoying but also cool night. it got fun towards the end when all we were doing was singing, dancin and smashing glasses. me and rie smashed about 69085906803986. one smashed in my hand as i was drying it and cut into my skin.   at one part of the night, we were told the tills were down by £20, and us barstaff were soo getting the blame when it could of been anyone. our managerial staff can be so bitchy at times. they are lovely - but i dont think i can trust them. same goes for the restaurant staff....bar + restaurant = MASSIVE rivalry. huge. i know they bitch about us, and think we're thick for maybe doing stuff wrong but sorry...11 hours doing a stressful job..? can't be perfect. bah humbug. i like the place anyway. purley cos of the guys i work with make job funnier and i'm earning money. all for  my music lessons.

LMAO burnsy fell over the wire on the floor where the fan was in middle of a busy stage in the night. i tried not to laugh but burst out in tears laughing as a result. he went down like a sack of potatoes. felt so nasty but everyone just pissed themselves. i was trying to serve someone a drink but was pissing self. he was just flat faced on the floor with the tills in his hand and wire around his feet. oh god, if it were me i would be sueing the place.

seeing regina spektor on monday! shud be cool. thankfully not working. neither am i on friday when i hope to see melanie c if i can get tickets.

bahh. labour. fucking top up fees. ppl that voted labour obviously never want to go university. selfish bastards. yeah, lets vote in a prime minister that sent us to war. i voted lib dems. didn't whether to go for green or libs. chose libs...cos green are a bit too green....yeh environment and stuff but its to the point where they want us to share 70 ppls bathwater lol!


string orchestra for film composition DONE
duet for music theatre composition DONE

musique techque:
string quartet free composition DONE
deep space 20th century orchestra composition DONE

yayness. all out the way. some corrections will be added on monday probably. glad its all done. got nothing else to write here i'm gonna go to bed. actually no, i'm going to do my grade 4 theory work. my grade 5 exam is next month.

toodles mah poodles

p.s. tabsy, this week getting my exam timetable. when we're both got a space free of exams....watch out cos i'm moving in.

  • Current Music
    yes sir, oh i can boogie ;o)

(no subject)

i have never had a hangover like i had today, for FOREVER.

i wasn't even planning on going out last nite since i was working til 1am, but at 9pm me and pete noticed that it was gonna be dead all night so said i could leave if i wanted to. tom had txt me to tell me to come out but i felt so tired, but i went anyway. got ready in the record time of 15 minutes and mum drove me into town (lucky, usually have to always get the bus) and met tom n dan outside baabaa and then went to bar below where the deadly drinking began. tom had free shot vouchers everytime we bought a drink which meant that we were downing fuck loads of sambuca (oh god i'm going to be sick as i type) and by the time we went to essentials me and him were wankered. i never go to essentials sober, so i was oblivious to the £6 price to get in which i now regret......but when i got in i had the best time ever. me and tom just danced like a twat to girls aloud (how embarassing) and mouthing to words to the song. after a few more drinks we just started flirting with one another and pretending to bum on the dancefloor and next min we started kissing each other for about 2 hours....i've kissed mates before but this was strange since toms a great friend and how raunchy we got! christ. it was hilarious though, when he left to go home we cudden't stop kissing. i used to really, really fancy him and last night told me he really liked me last year too. seriously i bet we'll do summat silly like shag next time.

n e ways went home, felt ill and it was pissing me off so i was making myself sick by putting fingers in mouth just to feel better. it was disgusting too. woke up with a world guiness book of records headache and i had to be at my RNCM tutors house by 11am, and whilst i was there i was trying my best not be sick but to actually pay attention. wrote down loadsa notes. sometimes i am so shit at composition it makes me wonder if i am the only musician to find things hard. why does it come naturally to some people? n e ways, back to feeling sick. my mum heard me puking up but said she would leave me to it cos she knew i was pissed. also had a singing lesson at 5pm. not good. i hate drink.
  • Current Music
    regina spektor - carbon monoxide